Julie.....

I don't know if this post even makes sense. I've been writing a little bit here and there for the last month. I just feel it's important write this up, so my children can read about Julie when they are older.

On October 10, 2010 my dear friend and sister-in-law lost her battle with Stage 4b cervical cancer. She had been sick most of the spring and summer. In September, she was told the cancer had reached her lungs, and she was put on hospice care. She left us a couple weeks later.

This has been extremely hard on our family. Brenna absolutely adored her Aunt Julie, and we know she held a special place in her heart. Collier wasn't as close to her, but that's because he's younger and didn't spend as much time with her. He definitely knew who she was though.

My first memories of Julie are actually as "Alex's mom". Alex, her son, is the same age as me, and I remember seeing her at school functions. Later, I actually met her as "Wyatt's Sister-in-law", little did I know that she would become a very important person in my life. Julie and I didn't become close until I became pregnant with Brenna. She was so excited that the family would have a little baby around. She started buying things for us, inviting us over for supper or camping, and generally just taking an interest in our lives. When Brenna was born, they instantly bonded. Julie would cover over on her lunch break to watch Brenna so I could get a shower, do a little housework, or homework. She generally just wanted to help. That was one of her best qualities, she always took such an initiative to help others. When Brenna was 3 months old I went back to school, and found myself needing a babysitter, so I asked Julie. She was so excited to have her weekly "dates" with Brenna.

For 2.5 years, Julie watched Brenna once a week. Sometimes I wouldn't even have class, but she still wanted her. I never worried when she had my kids. I ALWAYS knew she took such good care of them, and that she truly loved them. Through out these years, we became amazing friends. In some ways she was a best friend to me. I could tell her anything. Complain to her about anything, or just sit around and laugh. In some ways she was a big sister to me. Guiding me through rough times in my life, and enjoying the good times with me.

When Collier was born, she kept Brenna over night and brought her up that morning. I was extremely picky about who I wanted at the hospital when Collier was born. Brenna's birth was so rough and hectic, so I didn't want a lot of people at the hospital (my attempts at trying to keep things calm). Julie, however, was someone I wanted there. **Side note--she wasn't there. The doctor took forever, and she had to go to work.** When both my kids were born she came and cleaned my house and did all my laundry. For those who don't REALLY know me, have no idea how much I hate laundry. She did ALL of my laundry, it was a LOT....lol. But again, Julie always had to find a way to help out.

When I was in the hospital with my gall bladder issues, she came over to help Wyatt watch the kids. Again...always helping out. At holiday gatherings or parties, Julie was always the first one to show up. She'd come in and say, "What do you need me to do"? She was always the last one to leave too, because she had to help you clean up.

When Julie got sick again, I tried to help out as much as possible. I remember her crying at times, because she was never the one to need help. I always told her not to worry about it, she had done so much for me. I told her it was my pay for her watching the kids. She always kind of laughed at that.

In August I started my new job. I remember I was stressed about who was going to watch the kids. Here she was sick with cancer, and she said, "As soon as I feel better, I'll watch them for you." At that time, we both thought she would get better, but I remember telling her the last thing you need to worry about is my babysitter issues. But she actually felt bad that she couldn't help. It was like it was impossible for her to put herself first. Not many people have that quality, and she unknowinly did. She didn't realize how amazing and selfless she was.

When I started working, I wasn't able to help her out as much. I did and still do feel horribly guilty about that. I went from seeing her 2x a day, too once a week. I know she understood, she kept telling me to worry about me, but it wasn't the time to worry about me. I know she was really proud of me when I did get a job, but I wish I could have gotten the job later. If I would have known, that those would be the last couple of months with her, I wouldn't have taken the job.

The morning she died, I was in absolute shock. Absolutely heartbroken. I knew that since she was on hospice, she was dying. I got that. NEVER did I think it would happen so soon. I'm glad that she's no longer in pain, but I also have my selfish moments and wish she was still here. Family gatherings are really hard. Every time I go to her house, I get teary eyed. I get sad when people say "Rod's house", instead of "Rod and Julie's". Everyday Brenna tells me that she missed Aunt Julie, and I can say is say, so do I. I'm hoping that since Brenna is 4 she will remember her Aunt Julie. All I can do is talk to her about her, look at pictures, tell her stories, etc. I hope she is forever influenced by her Aunt Julie, and I hope she takes pride in knowing such a wonderful person.

Some of my best memories of Julie are:

**When Brenna was a baby we had went grocery shopping and on the way home Brenna was SCREAMING. So I did what I knew to do, break out singing....haha. I started singing "Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird" song, and Brenna stopped crying. If I stopped singing, she instantly started up again. By the time we got home, Julie and I were both singing...lol! Little Miss B kept quiet though!

**The first spring we lived in our house now, I was pregnant. Me and yard work don't really get along well, especially being 8-9 months pregnant. All of a sudden one day, Julie came over and started doing yard work. Apparently, she thought my yard was screaming for someone to help it. Wyatt and I thought she was absolutely crazy. But before to long she had us out there working too.

**One time when I had taken her over for a chemo treatment. The nurse asked her, if I was her daughter. Julie said, "Yea..she mine as well be."

**Some of my greatest memories, are of Julie being with my children. She always was one to get down and play with the kids. She didn't just watch them for you, she played with them, it was fun for her. I don't know how many times I went to pick Brenna up and she had made something. She might have colored, baked, "helped" in the garden, etc. Brenna used to beg to go to Aunt Julie's house, and for obvious reasons.


Julie,

I miss you greatly, but I am thankful for our friendship. I cherish the memories that I have, and I know someday those memories will bring a smile to my face instead of tears. I thank you for being such a great friend to me. And more importantly, thank you for being such an amazing person to my children. We love you very much.